In May 2018 I got engaged on the top of a mountain near Calgary, AB. We stood on a rock at the summit for pic. He nervously reached out his arms, ring box upside down, and said nothing. I ugly cried. The woman taking our pic said “What’s your answer?”, I smiled... “YES!”
We were set up by a mutual friend and introduced at a party. A party full of artists, of which he is not, and so he was quiet and reserved. He was wearing a fitted green T-shirt which showed off his athletic physique and I judged him, harshly. “This guy’s a gym rat with nothing to say, and… he’s 6 years younger than me! He can’t be serious.”
He sent me a message on facebook, I messaged back, he sent me his number and then... I ghosted. WHAT! A professional matchmaker blew off a match?! Yup. I was stuck. I thought I was being positive and proactive in my dating life, but I was actually jaded and so rigid that I was unwilling to give anyone a real chance. I knew what I wanted, and if a guy didn’t show up exactly how I envisioned, I was out.
I realized the irony of this situation when our mutual friend nudged me to reach out a month later. So, I called him, apologized for blowing him off, and asked him out. He accepted! It took a few dates for me to wrap my head around who he really was. Yet when I did, he was everything. He was thoughtful, generous, supportive, intelligent, adventurous, handsome, understanding and full of spunk! All the things I had on my list!
So, what did I learn from ditching my judgements and fixations, and going for a second date?
First dates are not enough time to really get to know someone, we judge harshly instead of staying curious. I tell clients now “If they looked nice, smelled nice and you had a good time, go out again!” .
There will never be a perfect time to meet someone, so stop waiting for it. When I met my fiance my mother was losing her battle with cancer. He listened, was understanding and so kind. Not ideal, but it was real and it made us stronger by facing it together.
It’s not always sparks at first sight. A slow burn is what to watch for. If there’s not a lot of chemistry on date one, but you weren’t running for the hills, go out again and see if it smoulders.
And, this is the most important, you must realize the traits and attributes you are looking for will show up differently than you expect. You have to be open and present to see the traits revealed in different packages and combinations.
In December we flew to Las Vegas with some of our closest friends and family to be married by Elvis on a rooftop terrace. It was the best day of my life, and now I am married to the best man I’ve ever known.
I am so lucky I called him. I am so lucky I recognized the irony and smartened up. And I am so lucky he fell for me! This marriage will be epic. I am so in love, and it’s just the beginning. I am forever grateful to our matchmaker. :)